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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23251486">Call me by my name</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feetlicks/pseuds/Feetlicks'>Feetlicks</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A character pretending to have amnesia, Angst and barely any comfort at first, Basically Felix being a detective and trying to figure shit out, Both Felix and Yongbok existed as different people, But not Jeongin and Woojin, Everyone is in university except Jeongin, Hwang Hyunjin &amp; Lee Felix are Best Friends, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)-centric, M/M, Minlix are together but it's complicated, Past Abuse, Psychological horror in later chapters, Some will have questionable morals, Temporary Character Death, past assault, they're good</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 16:14:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,308</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23251486</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feetlicks/pseuds/Feetlicks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Lixie, don’t ever scare us like that again.” His eyes slowly moved to a boy who was standing the furthest away, looking down at the ground with a guilty expression. Then he turned his head slowly, painfully, to look back at the nurse. “Who’s Felix?” “What do you mean who’s Felix? This isn’t the time to joke around, baby.” The boy in the hospital bed slowly looked at the attractive man by his side, his eyes feline like and lips curled into a soft smile, features delicate and beautiful. Why had he called him baby? And why were they calling him Felix?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin, Lee Felix/Lee Minho | Lee Know</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>106</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my first time trying out at an actually darker story! Later on, way later pushing chapter ten psychological horror will be introduced. The plot might get messy but if you'll stick around, thank you!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I.</p><p> </p><p>If he had been fifteen, he would have been terrified and crying for his life, crying for someone to save him, maybe even praying to the God that he used to believe in, used to be so religious. Every single Sunday spent in the church and in the youth group afterwards, getting along with the priest and most of the Christian community in his neighborhood. Yongbok, even if he had been fifteen, was extremely invested in every day prayers and making sure that he followed the path of God, dressing modestly and holding back from as many sins as humanly possible. He hadn’t even kissed anyone, hadn’t even thought about anyone in a sexual way.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>But Yongbok was not fifteen anymore. He was eighteen and laying in a pool of his own blood, a knife stuck in the middle of his stomach, rapidly bleeding out onto the hard floor of the church he used to love so much. But the boy was smiling widely, eyes tired and half lidded, lulling him into slumber as he lost the feeling in his fingers, slowly becoming numb to the pain until he couldn’t feel anything anymore. Three years was all it took for his life to loose meaning, for him to forget all about his beliefs and prayers, to get sucked into the life of smoking and partying, his parents also loosing their hope for him, slowly letting him go.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok didn’t think he was going to live past seventeen, thought that he was going to be found dead by some old dumpster in some alley in Sydney, probably next to one of the gay bars he always visited, maybe even overdosed on some drug he couldn’t even remember the name of. And now that the teen was lying on the ground, his life leaving his body, he couldn’t help and be happy. He was finally going to leave this hell. He was going to be free and waking up won’t hurt anymore because he won’t survive until the morning, his eyes won’t blink open anymore.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>With his last energy, Yongbok lifted his wrist to his lips, ghosting over the single straight line going vertically, a reminder of the first and last time he had tried to take his life away, a reminder to his parents that he should have been a survivor, but with his body almost lifeless, he could only choke on his saliva as he tried to laugh for the last time.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok was finally free. His eyes fell shut for the last time, body going lax and hands falling to his sides. Fingertips coated red as his heart stopped beating. 4:39 sharp.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>II.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A bright light surrounded him, he could see it seeping through the small line of vision between his shut eyelids. Was this heaven? He was sure he was going straight to hell, but maybe this was a sick joke from God himself. For a short moment Yongbok could feel something at the back of his head, pushing at him, a pressure building up, but it disappeared just as quick at it showed up, leaving only a dull ache behind.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The light became persistent, prompting him to try and force his eyelids open, fingers twitching, feeling rough sheets underneath them. The boy’s heartbeat picked up, the rhythmic beeping in the room turning to a more frantic one, Yongbok finally figuring out that he was in a hospital. Someone must have found his bleeding and broken body in the church and took pity on him, called an ambulance, maybe even the police.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>His parents probably didn’t even bother showing up. They hadn’t bothered to show up the last time he had woken up in the hospital, what would be the difference now? That the damage was not self-inflicted? He could feel his eyeballs rolling from right to left, his eyelids twitching, someone yelling for the nurse. He couldn’t really recognize the voice. The words sounding foreign to him, yet he could still understand them somehow.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Nurse! He woke up! Felix woke up!” He could hear distant shouts, a foreign touch on his arm, squeezing his fingers tightly, his skin tingling and fingers twitching again in shock. The sound of rushing footsteps could be heard, his ears picking up a woman telling someone in the room to step away, to give them space. The touch on his palm disappeared, almost like it had never been there, and was replaced with a gloved hand, the latex rubbing against his skin almost painfully.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>White light invaded his vision fully as one of his eyelids was pried open carefully, something, he could guess a flashlight, shined at him, but all he could see was white. “He’s responding to the light, he’s coming back to consciousness –“ “He’s waking up! Minho, he’s waking up!” More yelling was followed afterwards, Yongbok’s head pounding as the noises became louder, a woman telling everyone to either shut up or to leave the room all together, that she needed silence and they were stressing the boy out even more. That seemed to do the job, a deathening silence following afterwards.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Can you hear me? Lee shi, if you can understand me, move your fingers.” The boy’s body ached, his consciousness telling him to stay still, maybe then they will leave him alone, maybe they’ll leave him alone, the noises will stop and the throbbing at the back of his head will subside too. But his body worked on autopilot, moving the thumb of his right hand, even that taking a lot of effort. “He moved his thumb! He can hear us!”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The woman once again shushed the loud person, checking over the chart and the machines the boy had been hooked up with, the blood bag half full and a needle going into one of his arteries, hidden under the grayish pale skin. She had to hold back the bitter smile from showing up on her face, the boy in the bed barely responding, but alive. She was told that if he won’t wake up during the next few days, he was going to be as good as dead.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Can you try and open your eyes for me?” The woman’s voice sounded honey sweet, flowy and reminded him of violet tulips and long grass, how it would lick against his calves when he was five and giggling with his father. His eyes rolled behind his heavy eyelids, pulling all the energy he had left in his weak body to try and crack them open, to peek out at the life he had hoped he left behind. Light blinded him once again, making him let out a strangled hiss as he clenched his eyes shut again. “Careful. Slow and steady, open them and slowly blink to get used to the light.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok slowly cracked his eyelids open, trying to blink as slowly as possible as his vision blurred, he could only see the white ceiling of the room, his body too heavy for him to try and move. Everything ached and his back was screaming at him to relax. “There you go, just like that. You are doing so good,” The woman once again was talking to him, her voice soothing his mind. “Can you try to talk?” He managed to part his lips, more like his bottom lip falling open as he relaxed his jaw, tongue heavy in his mouth. A grumble left his mouth, throat scratchy and as dry as the Sahara dessert.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Get me some water from the pitcher,” Chaos ensued, a few pairs of footsteps rushing to his left, a hand gripping onto his right palm, stroking over his thumb that he had managed to move. “I’m going to move the bed up, don’t get scared.” Yongbok could feel the half of the bed where his head was starting to move up slowly, he was probably in one of the beds that could be controlled, wondering why his stomach didn’t hurt as much as it should have. He was probably doped up on pain meds.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Try to open your eyes slowly again.” He hadn’t even felt that he had closed his eyes, letting his eyelids part open again, his vision clearing up slowly, unfamiliar faces invading his sight. He could only stare as the unfamiliar boys looked at him with wide eyes, two even crying. Why were they crying? And why for him? “Felix! Oh God, I thought you were going to die.” The boy almost wanted to snap back, <em>that’s exactly what he was hoping for. </em>But here he was, stuck in a hospital room with people he had never seen.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Lixie, don’t ever scare us like that again.” The boy’s eyes slowly moved to a boy who was standing the furthest away, looking down at the ground with a guilty expression. Then he turned his head slowly, painfully, to look back at the nurse. “Who’s Felix?” “What do you mean who’s Felix? This isn’t the time to joke around, baby.” The boy in the hospital bed slowly looked at the attractive boy by his side, his eyes feline like and lips curled into a soft smile, features delicate and beautiful. Why had he called him baby? And why were they calling him Felix?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Lee shi, do you remember why you’re in the hospital?” The boy could hear blood rushing to his ears, the question throwing him off. Of course he did. He had been stabbed in the stomach, bleeding out and praying to die. But here he was, laying in a hospital bed surrounded by people he had never seen before, no pain in his stomach to indicate that he had been injured. His brains were screaming at him that something was wrong, so the boy decided to play dumb, having mastered the act to perfection in the last year. His throat was still dry and he tried to speak, only letting out a rough croak and then gasping in discomfort. “Give him some of the water slowly, through the straw.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>In seconds, a straw was pressed to his chapped lips, Yongbok carefully wrapping them around it, taking a small and steady gulp of the liquid, his body salivating as water entered his mouth. His tongue greedily licked at the straw, catching the last droplet as the glass was taken away, the boy greedily following it with his eyes. “Could you try talking now?” His tongue ran over his bottom lip, licking at it, feeling eyes on him, watching every single movement he made.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Y – yes.” His voice came out weak, cracking as he tried to answer, the nurse giving him a soft smile while nodding her head. “You’re doing so good. Lee shi, do you remember why you were brought to the hospital?” Yongbok momentarily blanked out, eyes glassy and lips parted, looking ahead of him. He should try and figure out why they were calling him Felix. And it couldn’t be as bad as it was before he passed out, before he was stabbed. It was hell and nothing could ever compare to it. So the boy looked back at the nurse as she tried to get his attention back, shaking his head a no. “Can you remember anything?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“N – no.” A loud gasp could he heard from someone to his left, someone cursing loudly. But Felix only focused on the nurse, watching as she stared at him before writing something down, smiling back up at him reassuringly. “It’s not common, but it seems like you had taken quite a trauma to the back of your head, it might have affected your memory.” Yongbok narrowed his eyes at that, clutching onto the sheets as his head throbbed painfully. He could remember everything easily, there was no way he could have hit his head over anything.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Why F – Felix?” Another gasp could be heard, the nurse giving a short boy a pat on his shoulder as the boy let out a low whimper of despair. “Because it’s your name? Do you really not remember us? Any of us?” Yongbok gave him a long look, scanning his features, the dimple at the side of his face as he smiled at him making his heart skip a beat. Maybe even two. “I’m so – sorry. I don’t –“ The nurse stepped closer to him again. “We’ll have to run more tests on you, just to make sure everything’s okay, please try not to freak out, your memory will more than likely come back in the next few days.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The boy nodded his head at that, whispering a soft thank you, knowing full well his memory won’t be why he will be freaking out. “Your body seems to be responding well to everything, I will come back with some light food for you, boys,” The nurse turned to looked at the group of boys who were watching Yongbok with wide and upset eyes. “Don’t scare him, give him space and let him rest. I’m not saying don’t talk to him, but try not to stress him out with too many questions.” With that said and one last warning look at the boys, the nurse left, Yongbok’s anxiety levels rising up as he was left alone with unfamiliar faces.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A boy who couldn’t be than much older than him, but was definitely taller, rushed to the right side of his bed, kneeling down on the ground and taking his hand in his in seconds. Yongbok was almost impressed with the grace the other had moved in, long limbs elegant and strong. “Lixie, you scared me so much.” He stared at the other’s hands, cradling his smaller one, almost swallowing the hand up. “Ca – can you tell me your name?” Silence followed after, making the boy want to curl into himself, but the IV stuck to his arm was stopping him, unless he wanted to rip it out.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The tall stranger only smiled at him gently, eyes curling beautifully and the mole under one of them disappearing as cute wrinkles showed up. “Hyunjin, but you always called me Jinie since we met six years ago.” Yongbok watched him in wonder, taking in the pain shining in his eyes and the bitter twist of his lips, the clear hurt of not being recognized by someone so dear to him. He didn’t know the boy, but he already felt bad for him, bad for pretending to be this Felix person. “J – Jinie.” The tall boy let out a soft whine, eyes shining with unshed tears and lips curling into a loving smile. “Lixie, I was so scared.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok was yet again confused, brows furrowing as he looked at him closely. His face was pale and the bags under his eyes were a dead giveaway that he hadn’t slept. One look at every other occupant of the room told him the same tale. They were all exhausted, all had stayed up to wait for this Felix boy to wake up. “What happe – happened? Did I really hit my head?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Yes.” He noticed the way two boys shared a glance, as if communicating with each other silently, then one looked down at Yongbok’s right arm before looking back down at the other boy. His own eyes unconsciously trailed down his arm, stopping at the bandage wrapped around his wrist tightly, thick and white gauze and bandage hiding the skin away from his eyes. “Wh -what happened?” “You fell and knocked your head on the ground.” A curse and an almost inaudible <em>Seungmin, shut the fuck up, before I’ll make you</em> followed after.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“I’m not dumb. Either te – tell me or I’ll rip the bandage off and see for myself.” Yongbok had an inkling, he had been in this same position once before. He knew exactly what was hiding behind the bandage, but he needed them to tell him for him to fully believe. “Maybe we should let you rest –“ “I tried to kill myself, didn’t I?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Another whine could be heard from the tall boy, Hyunjin, Yongbok looking back at him with blank eyes. Maybe he could have been gentler, at least then the boy wouldn’t be crying while clutching onto his hand tightly, mumbling about how he was so scared and that when he found Felix bleeding out in his bathtub with a sliced wrist he thought he himself was going to die. A sigh could be heard from the boy with beautiful feline like eyes before he also kneeled down by his side, one hand rubbing Hyunjin’s back while the other was placed on Yongbok’s blanket clad knee. “Hyunjin found you in your bathroom, passed out from loss of blood and called me, I called an ambulance. What were you thinking, Lixie?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“I, I don’t know.” A hand gripped onto his, thumb stroking over the back of it, making him gulp audibly and turn to look to his left, the brown haired dimpled boy, maybe a few years older than him, was by his side, smiling at him again. “It’s okay Lix, we’ll figure this all out, we’ll be by your side no matter what happens.” Yongbok’s chest squeezed painfully, the heart monitor speeding up, making him breathe deeper and faster, more shallowly. The dimpled boy placed his hand into Yongbok’s hair, stroking it as he cooed at him to calm him down. “Sorry Lix, you should try to rest up, I’m sorry for making you freak out.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“It – it’s fine, I’m okay –“ A boy with cute cheeks and bright eyes shook his head while looking at Yongbok with a determined expression. “No Lix, you gotta rest before the nurse comes back.” And Yongbok couldn’t fight back as he was shushed again, looking around, his eyes stopping on Hyunjin again. He said they had been best friends? While Yongbok thought they were all either insane or this was a very elaborate plan to trick him, he decided to play along, at least for the time being, to figure out just what exactly was happening and why the words slipping out of him and travelling around sounded so weird, foreign.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Can you stay?” Wide eyes were on him, one of the boy’s spluttering in surprise, Hyunjin pointing to himself, dumbfounded. “It’s just, yo – you said we’re best friends, maybe I’ll remember faster.” He could see the boy with feline like eyes pouting, disappointment momentarily showing on his face, before he smiled at him, slapping Hyunjin on his back to encourage him. “Are you sure?” It was the dimpled boy. Yongbok really had to ask for their names, he was already sick of calling them by their features.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“We’ll be right outside, so call for us if anything happens,” Yongbok watched with curiosity as Hyunjin glared at the boy, the one with bright eyes, before shaking his head. “I doubt we’ll need help.” He could sense the clear tension and hostility in his tone, the boys shuffling out of the hospital room awkwardly, leaving the two of them alone.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok stared in front of himself for a few seconds, not seeing the bright walls of the hospital but the old and high ceiling of the church as he bled out, as his energy left him. The back of his head started throbbing again, his fingers twitching and lips pulling down into a frown, the heart monitor getting louder and the beeping quicker. “Hey, clam down Lix, it’s just the two of us.” He could feel the other sitting down on the hospital bed next to him, shifting a bit, leaving more room between the two of them. Fingers carded through his hair, calming him down enough for the heart monitor to go back to normal, the rhythmic beeping lulling him into relaxation.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He could feel himself melting into the touch, skin tingling, his mind going through his memories as if he was watching a movie made out of his life. It was tragic. All the rejection and the slowly growing negligence of his parents, the manipulative adults and toxic community that had brainwashed him, the starvation for any touch that lead to him being desperate. And now, with the stranger’s fingers burrowed in his hair, stroking it softly, eighteen and without any understanding of how he ended up here and who were these people, he had tears in his eyes because he couldn’t remember the last time anyone had cared enough.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It seemed like Hyunjin had noticed his emotions, fingers leaving his hair, only to cradle his cheeks into his palms, rubbing against the skin under his eyes with his thumbs. Yongbok unconsciously leaned into the caresses, eyes wide and searching, full of questions and confusion. “It’s gonna be okay Lixie, I’m here, I’m not gonna leave your side.” The genuine concern shining in Hyunjin’s eyes threw him off, his stomach twisting and turning, a bile rising up his throat, gagging in response. A hand rubbed at his back, the other hand still cradling the side of his face, Hyunjin so gentle that Yongbok almost wanted to believe him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you before, I should have seen that something was wrong.” The boy in the hospital bed still looked at him, watched as Hyunjin’s cheeks became wet, tears cascading down them, his skin glistening. He almost felt bad for him. This Felix boy must mean a lot to him if he was willing to stay by his side.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok cocked his head to the side, eyes not leaving Hyunjin’s face, tongue peeking out to wet his lips before he coughed to get his attention. “Hyunjin?” The boy flinched, but still nodded his head, fingers curling into the sheets as he focused only on him. “Yes Lixie?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Do you have your phone on y – you?” Hyunjin seemed to get confused about the question, patting down his pocked to nod his head, taking the phone out and looking at it. “Do you want to call your parents?” Yongbok tried not to hiss at that. No. He did not want to call his parents, he wanted to figure out exactly what was happening without being called insane. “N – no. Do you have photos of us together?” A hand was placed on his blanket clad thigh, making him flinch but then smile awkwardly in response, Hyunjin analyzing him before nodding his head.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok’s stomach turned. There’s no way they could have photoshopped pictures with him without him remembering if there was a photo in existence of him like that. Neither his parents nor him ever took many photos, so this was going to be easy. He watched anxiously as Hyunjin entered the passcode into his phone, scrolling through something before stopping, a gentle smile on his face, looking back at him while giving him his phone. “There. I have a lot of photos of you and with you, these are from Changbin’s last birthday.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>With shaky fingers, he took the device into his hands, clenching his eyes shut for a few moments, breathing deeply, feeling Hyunjin’s fingers rubbing into his shoulders. It took him what felt like hours to gather the courage to crack his eyelids open, the photo on the screen staring back at him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>There it was. There was Hyunjin and the short male, with him. Yongbok’s eyes widened, lips trembling and stomach twisting. It was him. The person in the photo looked just like him. Except he had dark brown hair when Yongbok had bleached his hair a few weeks ago. And his ears were not pierced, while in Australia, he had four holes in each ear. And were those freckles? Yongbok never had any freckles. But it wasn’t hard to see, the boy in the photo, he resembled him too closely, there was no way anyone could photoshop this. If they had, they would have made him exactly how he had been before he died. Almost died. Yongbok was confused and his head throbbed painfully.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>With shaking fingers, he swiped right, another photo in front of his eyes. This time it was of the same freckled boy, him? and one of the boys, the one with warm eyes and a cute smile, the one who looked like he gave the best hugs, the two of them linking arms and grinning at the camera. Yongbok scanned every corner of the photo, surprised at seeing a face that resembled so closely his, being so happy, smiling so widely.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The next photo made him furrow his eyebrows. The boy with pretty feline like eyes was standing behind him? and had his arms wrapped around his waist, lips pressed to his cheek, and the freckled boy smiling shyly at the camera, surprised and with burning cheeks. “Hyunjin?” The mentioned boy peered at the phone from behind his shoulder, looking at the photo too. “That’s Minho hyung –“ “Who is he to me?” He heard the other mumble something under his nose, making Yongbok bring his head back up to look at him closely. “I, um, maybe he should tell you himself?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Hyunjin, tell me. You’re supposed to be my be – best friend.” He could feel his stomach turning, feeling guilt over trying to manipulate the other into giving into him, skin tingling, but his survival instincts were stronger. “Okay.” They stayed silent for a few seconds, just looking at each other, before Hyunjin breathed out a sigh and shook his head to get his hair out of his eyes, nodding to encourage himself. “He’s your boyfriend.” Yongbok laughed at that, fingers twisting the sheets and leg twitching, heart slamming against his chest.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“No way,” “I shouldn’t have told you, I’m sorry. You can’t even remember anything.” Yongbok couldn’t believe what was happening, there were complete strangers telling him they were his friends? And one of them was supposed to be his boyfriend?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The boy looked back at the phone in his hands, pressing at the screen until he saw the camera app, lips pulling into a straight line as he pressed on it, opening it up. His eyes widened almost comically as he stared at his reflection. The same eyes, dark brown, with dark eyelashes lining them. The same nose and lips, even the face shape was the same. It was him. This was him. He raised his eyebrows up, watching the reflection. “Lixie?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok’s eyes focused on his cheeks. Freckles. The only thing standing out, the only feature telling him that this was not him, that something was definitely wrong. Apart from the people he didn’t know and the words that sounded weird while leaving his mouth. With shaky fingers he probed his cheeks, rubbing at the spots, trying to wipe the off, but it didn’t work. The freckles were still there, mocking him, making his vision swim and hands were supporting him in seconds, the heart monitor beeping like crazy as he left like his chest was tightening on him, making it hard to breathe.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Lixie?” Yongbok clawed at his chest with the hand that did not have an IV attached to it, trying to breathe as his throat started closing up on him again. His nails dug into his flesh, he could feel Hyunjin’s hands prying at his, trying to get them away from his neck. “Felix! Stop!”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>And then darkness. Yongbok passed out, breathing evening out, heart monitor slowly stabilizing. 4:39 sharp.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Maybe Yongbok was being paranoid, but Minho was definitely acting weird.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I have managed to update, please ignore the typos and mistakes because I never beta anything!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A weird buzzing noise filled his ears up, irritating his brains and making him flinch, his eyelids twitching before they parted open, the brightness making him go blind momentarily again. Yongbok had to blink rapidly to be able to see again, vision blurry for a few seconds before it cleared up, a boy by his side. He had been expecting Hyunjin to be here, he had told him that he was going to stay near him, and Yongbok, trying to play the part of Felix, the part of a best friend even with memory loss, said okay and pretended like he was happy about that. </p><p><br/>
But the boy by his side was not Hyunjin, it was the one with the beautiful cat like eyes, Minho? Yongbok was not too sure, but he looked like the boy in the photo, the one who was giving Felix’s cheek a kiss? His memory of last night was still blurry and he could barely remember what Hyunjin had told him clearly. </p><p><br/>
“Hey baby, how are you?” The boy had to hold back the want to cringe at the pet name, brains going to all the corners of the room and eyes darting around to avoid looking at the other. The name left a bitter taste in his mouth, making him furrow his eyebrows and look down at the sheets of the hospital bed, the pale blue making him almost gag in disgust. “Lixie, are you okay?” It seemed like the boy was getting concerned, so Yongbok tried to play the part of a confused, yet still happy boyfriend, tilting his head to the side and stretching his lips into a smile. Even though he was almost one hundred percent sure it came off more like an awkward grimace, it looked like Minho appreciated the efforts. </p><p><br/>
“I, yeah? I just can’t remember anything.” He was met with a pitiful look, Minho looking down at him with big eyes that held unshed tears and pain and his lips were tugged into a small pout. And Yongbok, even if he didn’t want to, had to admit to himself that the other was cute. With his fluffy light brown hair and sparkling eyes, with the soft curl of his lips and cute nose – Minho was simply cute and if he would have been less bitter, maybe he would have congratulated the boy, Felix, for managing to get a boyfriend like him. </p><p><br/>
“It’s okay baby, you’ll remember everything at some point.” A shadow of guilt and doubt travelled across Minho’s features, and Yongbok looked at him a little bit closer. He was sure that it was just a trick his eyes were playing on him, but he swore he could see a bead of sweat travelling down the side of Minho’s face. His eyes darted down and took notice of how the other gulped loudly, making his Adam’s apple bob up and down. He was nervous, and Yongbok narrowed his eyes at that a little bit. Something was definitely not right. </p><p><br/>
“H-hyung? Why are you nervous? Is something wrong?” Minho gulped a second time before a smile was forced over his lips, Yongbok easily recognizing when someone was acting in front of him. “It’s nothing baby, I’m just worried about your memory loss, but you should rest.” The way Minho’s gaze darted to the side, he could feel that something was definitely wrong, something else was worrying the other and Yongbok was being kept in the dark. </p><p><br/>
He automatically, albeit weakly, grabbed the other’s wrist, as Minho tried to move away from the bed, the two of them staring at each other briefly before Yongbok was given another smile, this time it looked a little bit more genuine. “Baby, do you want anything?” Out. I want to leave this place. Yongbok had been stuck in this hospital for the last four days, nurses going in and out, taking him to do tests and checking his arm every few hours, almost as if they thought he would rip either the IV out or the stitches. And he had a thought about that, but knew that he had to act smart. He needed to get out and figure out exactly what had happened and why he was in this Felix’s body, and why did he look exactly like him, plus the freckles. </p><p><br/>
So Yongbok put on the well practiced small smile, peeking out at Minho from his eyelashes as he tried to look as innocent as possible, as sweet as possible. “Hyung, c-can you stay? I want to know more.” He was met with silence, thinking that the other was going to just walk out, but the dip of the matrass under him told a different story. Minho had stayed, and Yongbok nodded at himself in approval. </p><p><br/>
During the last days the most frequent visitors were Hyunjin and Woojin. Yongbok had spent the most time with them as they tried to get him used to them, as if they were trying to befriend him again. The other five boys came every day too, but stayed for just a little bit, something about not wanting to overwhelm him. This was only the second time Yongbok had seem Minho, and he felt like there was tension in the room. </p><p><br/>
“What do you want to know more about, baby?” That darn pet name. Yongbok wanted to scream at the other to not call him that, it made him feel uncomfortable, it made his mind go to places he had wished to stay locked up safely. “Our relationship? H – how long have we been together?” He watched Minho closely, how the other’s shoulders tensed up and fingers seemed to curl into tight fists before they relaxed, his eyes empty before he smiled again at him, nodding his head and placing his hand palm down onto his blanket clad thigh. </p><p><br/>
“We’ve been together for a bit more than a year, you were seventeen and I was nineteen when we became boyfriends.” Yongbok nodded at that, skin buzzing as Minho’s hand started rubbing circles over the blanket, his leg twitching in response and discomfort. “More? Tell me more? Where would we go on dates and where did we first kiss?” The hand on his thigh stopped moving for a few seconds, freezing in air before it was placed back down, thin wrist resting against the blanket too. </p><p><br/>
“Maybe you should rest up more –“ Yongbok had to fight back the growl from slipping out of his mouth. No. He was done with resting. He wanted his answers and he was going to get them one way or another. “Hyung, no one’s telling me anything and it’s killing me to just stay here with no memory, at least help me imagine how I was.” He almost let out a soft chuckle when he registered how quickly Minho’s expression had changed. His eyes softened, the corners of his lips curling up, shoulders relaxing and palm pressing against his thigh a little bit closer. </p><p><br/>
“Okay baby,” He really needed to do something about that pet name. Yongbok fought back the urge to flinch away and focused on Minho fully, giving him the best encouraging smile he could. “You really liked to go to this dog café, you even had your favorite dog there, a golden retriever. You’d beg me to go there every week, and I couldn’t ever tell you no.” His expression didn’t change, maybe it even softened a little bit, Yongbok could feel bitterness on his tongue, in the back of his throat, the other was not lying. “Sometimes I’d take you to a Japanese restaurant, or an Italian one, because you’d get too hungry and then you’d cling onto me until I’d give in.” </p><p><br/>
Yongbok looked at the other with curiosity. Maybe he could pass off his new personality as a result of memory loss, but surely, at some point, everyone will start questioning and he will have to try and mold himself into this Felix boy, at least until he will figure out what exactly happened and why he didn’t die. </p><p><br/>
“Sometimes we would go shopping, but usually it’s what you and Chan would do.” Yongbok raised his eyebrows at that, Minho watching him for a few seconds before he smiled, and it looked like it had a bit of bitterness. “Chan’s not taking all of this well, don’t be mad at him, he’ll come around.” He nodded his head at that, watching the other as Minho breathed out deeply and then continued with talking. “Our first kiss was on our third date, you kissed me under the stars because I brought you to a picnic.” There it was again, the tremble in the other’s voice, the clear nervousness. Yongbok noted it down and stored the information in the back of his head. </p><p><br/>
Minho was about to speak again, his hand on Yongbok’s thigh heavy at that point, but the nurse peeked her head in through the parted doors, smiling at the two boys. “Am I interrupting something?” This made the older boy jump up and away from the bed, away from Yongbok, the boy looking at him with one of his eyebrows raised. “No, no. We were just talking.” </p><p><br/>
“Good. We have some papers you need to sign and then you can go.” Yongbok looked at her for a few seconds, watching her, calculating her movements. “What about a therapist? Don’t you have to get one after something like this.” Minho looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, Yongbok ignoring him in order to wait for the answer. “Well, seeing as you’re eighteen, you can legally decline the therapist we offer.” He parted his lips to decline, knowing that it won’t help him anyway, but Minho beat him to it. “He’ll come! He’ll go to the therapist.” </p><p><br/>
The nurse gave him a questioning look, turning back to look at Yongbok. “Are you sure?” The boy spared a glance at Minho, his insides burning in fury for not having the ability to make his own decisions again. He had fought so hard in Sydney to have the right and he was not going to let someone take it away from him, even if he had to be this Felix boy. But he still smiled, if he’ll agree to go to the therapist, then Minho might become closer to him, then maybe he’ll tell him more. He knew that the boy was hiding something, he just had to dig deeper. </p><p><br/>
“Of course –“ “Okay, at the reception desk, you’ll sign the papers and they’ll tell you your schedule with the therapist.” Yongbok thanked the nurse, bowing his head as Minho stayed by his side, fingers clenched into tight fists. “Did you b – bring me clean clothes?” Yongbok hated how weak his voice sounded, the stutter just couldn’t go away and he was becoming frustrated. “Chan’s getting your clothes, he’s driving you home.” Then he was met with silence as Minho helped him out of the bed, the nurse coming back again to inform him that the papers were ready. </p><p><br/>
He could feel eyes on him. He was pretty sure with the intensity that Minho was staring at him, the back of his head could catch on fire. He could see the tips of the brown hair of Felix, himself? from the corner of his eye, knowing that he was going to have to change the color, brown had never sat well with him, at least if it was his own hair. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
Chan had rushed into the hospital room with matted curls and dark bags under his eyes, his lips still stretched into a dimpled, even if tired, smile. Yongbok watched him carefully as he smiled at him wider, skin pale and glistening with sweat, outstretching the hand with a bag for him to take. “I came as fast as I could, had practice. Change into the clothes and let’s go.” He didn’t miss the look Chan and Minho had shared, something between frustration and challenge. </p><p><br/>
“Okay, but can you two leave?” One looked at him with understanding, the other with disbelief. Yongbok focused his stare at Minho, almost as if he was trying to challenge him, to dare him to disobey him. “It’s j – just that, I’d rather change alone, until I’ll remember anything.” Yongbok was not about to let someone take advantage of him again. He didn’t know anything about Felix, but he was a fighter, even if everyone expected for him to surrender easily. </p><p><br/>
He almost laughed at the clothes in the bag. An oversized university sweatshirt and joggers that probably couldn’t even fit him. Running shoes that were an ugly green almost hurt his eyes and he let out a silent chuckle. Someone had a weird taste in fashion and he really need to have a talk with them. He shook his head, thinking that these were probably Chan’s clothes. The sweatshirt fell loosely over his frame and the joggers did not, in fact, fit him, he had to tie them tightly for them to stay around his waist, the material soft against his skin. </p><p><br/>
The running shoes squeaked under his weight as he stepped out of the room, both Chan and Minho turning their heads to look at him. He could almost feel the tension rolling off of the two of them. Something was definitely not right. And they knew. He gave them a smile, taking note of Chan’s softening eyes and Minho’s narrowing ones, it seemed like they have been having an argument and Yongbok had managed to interrupt them. </p><p><br/>
“Come on Lix, let’s go to the registration to get your papers and then we will go.” Yongbok gave a questioning look towards Chan, the male shrugging his shoulders, Minho linking their elbows and helping him walk. The boy almost wanted to snap at him that he could walk by himself, being coddled not sitting well with him. </p><p><br/>
“Okay, read through these and then sign them.” Yongbok scanned through the papers with curiosity. Lee Felix. 2001.09.15. No known illnesses and diseases. A mother and a father, one younger and one older sister. Seems like this boy had a big enough family. The man at the registration table kept on clicking his pen, obviously annoyed by the delay, someone already trying to rush Yongbok to sign because they were waiting for their own turn. </p><p><br/>
Chan had walked over to the two of them, now standing by his side as Yongbok stared down at the paper, with shaky fingers and hands signing down his own sign. He didn’t think far enough about his signature. But the man at the register table didn’t even bother to check the papers, just skimmed through the information and nodded his head, giving the boy a copy of the documents and information for his therapy sessions. </p><p><br/>
Yongbok raised his eyebrows at that but still nodded his head in a goodbye, Minho helping him out of the hospital and Chan followed out after them, holding the doors open for the two of them. They were led to the parking lot, the boy watching as a black Toyota was unlocked, Minho automatically helping him into the backseat, slipping in right after him. Chan smiled at him through the review mirror, Yongbok giving him one of his awkward smiles back. </p><p><br/>
He watched as they passed through wide streets, sun almost starting to settle and people coming out to go to bars. Minho’s hand was once again on his thigh, making him shift unconsciously in discomfort, moving away to the side to press himself against the window. He could see Minho’s lips twitching into a frown, but then being replaced with a smile. Yongbok acted as if he was staring out of the window, trying to ignore the reflection of the other and the way he could clearly see that Minho was staring at him, watching him too. </p><p><br/>
The wide streets and tall buildings shifted to a more friendly neighborhood, one with more greenery and parks, people walking around with their dogs. Tall buildings still surrounded them, but there were less bars and restaurants, more cafes and shops. Chan drove them into an underground parking lot, Minho running around to his side of the car to hold the doors out for him, Yongbok ducking his head down and giving him a soft bow. </p><p><br/>
“I live in an apartment block?” Minho and Chan once again shared a look, Yongbok watching them with heightened interest as they stepped into one of the elevators, Chan pressing the number twelve. Silence surrounded them as they stood around while going up, the elevator dinging and the doors opening up as they reached their floor, Minho waiting for him to get out. The hallway was plain, some plants here and there, the walls a light grey, doors to apartments on the right side. </p><p><br/>
The doors to the apartment 129 were unlocked, Chan ushering the two of them in, closing the doors behind them. Yongbok’s eyes ran all around the hallway of the apartment, a shoe rack with neatly placed several pairs of shoes, sliding doors that hide away the numerous amount of coats and jackets. </p><p><br/>
“Lix,” The boy tilted his head to the side, looking at Chan who was calling to him, motioning for him to take his shoes off. “This isn’t your apartment, this is mine.” Yongbok let out a confused huh? turning to Minho to give him a questioning look too. “Baby, your roommate is away for a month, and you should stay with someone at least for now.” The boy cringed at the pet name again, and looks like Chan cringed together with him too, the two of them sharing a look, mischief in the curly haired one’s eyes and Yongbok had to fight back the chuckle. </p><p><br/>
“You staying over?” Yongbok was too preoccupied with checking the living room out, a cozy dark blue couch in the center with a low table in front of it, what looked like a faux fur rug underneath it and a wide screen tv hung on the wall in front. He could see some plants in the corner of the living room, books placed on the low coffee table and a laptop turned on and left there too. A few fuzzy blankets were thrown over the back of the couch, giving it a homey feel. The walls of the apartment seemed to be painted in a muted blue, close to lavender and gave off a coldish feel. </p><p><br/>
“Sorry Lix, I got to go, have to finish up with a few projects, but I’ll be over tomorrow.” Yongbok watched Minho as he waved at him again, awkwardly leaning over to hug him tightly. He had to fight back against himself to not flinch away, Chan closing the doors behind him, turning around to look at him with a soft smile. “It’s not a lot, but it’s home.” </p><p><br/>
Yongbok peered at the kitchen, feeling his stomach growling in hunger, Chan letting out a soft laugh at that. “Hungry?” With a nod of his head, he was softly pushed into the kitchen, taking in the cupboards and the table, the fridge covered with magnets and silly stickers. “I made some rotisserie chicken yesterday, you always used to like it.” Yongbok tried to give the other a sweet smile, holding back the want to gag as his hair was ruffled. He really should come up with a way to tell them that he didn’t want to be touched all the time, maybe come up with an excuse. </p><p><br/>
His eyes stayed on the knife on one of the counters, Chan not even giving it any attention as he took the chicken out of the fridge and started heating the pan up. He took out two cans of coke, Yongbok’s eyes now following all of his movements. </p><p><br/>
“You could never say no to coke.” It almost looked like Chan was reminiscing their memories, thinking about their past, a soft smile on his face. “Well I can’t really remember that.” He was met with soft laughter, Yongbok smiling back at him. </p><p><br/>
The two of them stood around the kitchen, Chan giving some comments about what food Felix always liked, and what he didn’t like. Yongbok cringed at the fact that he was told that he was not supposed to like pizza. Was he supposed to just not eat it while here? Or could he pass it off as him not remembering anything? </p><p><br/>
The chicken smelled divine as it was place onto two plates, some roasted potatoes and a side salad being placed there too. Yongbok was ushered to sit on one of the chairs, Chan pouring the coke into their glasses and giving him utensils to use. While the boy had never thought that chicken was anything special, his mouth watered as he put a piece of in into his mouth. After eating hospital food everything seemed to be better. </p><p><br/>
He could feel the other watching him as he ate, eyes never leaving his face, and Yongbok tried to chew slower, tried to take smaller bites. But his plate was licked clean in five minutes, Chan offering him some of his own food. “It’s o – okay, I’m actually tired.” </p><p><br/>
“You should take a bath and I’ll give you clean clothes to sleep in.” Yongbok yawned loudly, blinking in order to get vision to get back to normal. Chan ruffled his hair again, making him curse silently. “Can I take a shower in the morning? I’m really tired and I feel like I might pass out if I’ll have to stand.” </p><p><br/>
“You should have told me you felt exhausted!” Chan almost bolted out of his own seat, running over to Yongbok and helping him out, holding onto his hand to help him walk out of the kitchen and into the bathroom. “Just use this toothbrush and paste to clean your teeth and this towel is only for your face.” Chan darted out of the bathroom, something close to curses leaving his mouth as he ran to his room, making sure that the sheets of his bed were changed and clean for the other. </p><p><br/>
The boy stared at his own reflection in the bathroom as he started to brush his teeth, the freckles and dark brown hair throwing him off. The pads of his fingers rubbed against his cheek, nails digging into the flesh, leaving it a soft shade of pink afterwards. Yongbok spat the paste out, glaring at his reflection, watching as his lips curled into a smile, exactly the same as the one he would use before he died. He needed to figure out just who exactly this Felix boy was and why he looked just like him. </p><p><br/>
He dried his face off, hanging the towel back up, peeking out of the bathroom, almost laughing as he saw Chan breathing out a sigh of relief. “Had to check if the sheets were changed, wasn’t sure if they were clean.” He was lead into one of the rooms, his eyes taking in the pictures on the walls, taking notice of the huge bed and window, a comfortable small couch by the wall and another TV higher up on the wall, above the couch. </p><p><br/>
“I’ll sleep in the living room for tonight, we’ll see about tomorrow. The clothes are on the bed and feel like at home if you’ll need or want anything.” Yongbok nodded at that, smiling at him awkwardly, letting his hands relax as Chan whispered a soft good night and closed the doors behind him. </p><p><br/>
The boy looked around the room again, his vision swimming from exhaustion, the hospital bed not kind to him, almost not letting him sleep. Chan’s bed looked inviting, the covers a deep blue, three pillows placed neatly at the head of the matrass. A warm blanket was neatly folded and placed on the couch if Yongbok got cold and his chest squeezed almost painfully. They really must care for this Felix boy. </p><p><br/>
The clothes were simple, a long sleeved top and flannel sleeping pants, making him feel warm the moment his skin was touched. The bed was as warm and comfortable as he had imagined, his head sinking into one of the pillows and toes curling and uncurling at the feel of clean linen underneath him. He could hear the sound of the TV running in the background softly, Chan must have not been that tired. His thoughts were a jumbled up mess, telling him not to relax, to not trust a space he did not know, but his body grew heavy, eyelids sliding shut. The soft sound of the TV in the background lulled him to sleep. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The plot will pick up and Yongbok’s gonna start trying to figure shit out and there’s a lot of messes and secrets. Hope you’ll enjoy!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Yongbok clenched his eyes shut, bottom lip quivering and nose scrunching up. He could only see Felix and his terrified expression.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I swear I’m trying to make this story make sense, stay with me people!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A burning pain in his chest work up him up, scared eyes searching all around the dark room, not seeing anything except shadowed furniture and lights from the street lamps trying to enter through tightly shut curtains. </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok sat up abruptly, one hand clutching at his chest where his heart was while the other pressed against the side of his head, a headache almost blinding him with throbbing waves of pain. Blood red filled his vision up, eyes blank as he stared into space, memories of the ceiling of the church and blood pooling underneath him invading his brains. </p><p> </p><p>A few seconds later his vision cleared up again, an eerie light running through the otherwise dark room, the hair at the back of Yongbok’s neck standing up as the temperature around him dropped by a few degrees. A few seconds later it was as if nothing had happened. The air became warm again and the room was dark, only red numbers glaring at him from the clock on the bedside table. </p><p> </p><p>4:39. Sharp. </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok could feel his hands shaking as he gripped onto the covers of the bed, eyes darting over every corner of the room, almost flinching as a shadow of light from a car passing by went through the room because the curtains weren’t as tightly shut as he thought they were. The darkness made him nervous, fearing that if he stared for longer he would see something he shouldn’t, something that was going to scar him for life. </p><p> </p><p>His lips trembled as he tried to form words, thoughts a jumbled up mess and skin buzzing from adrenaline. His eyes were wide open as he remembered everything that had happened during the past four, now five days. From him being stabbed in the stomach in Sydney,  to him waking up in a hospital in Seoul after apparently cutting his wrist open, to him finding out that this wasn’t even his body, to having to play along to figure out what had happened. </p><p> </p><p>The Korean words on his tongue sounded weird, they even tasted weird. A reminder of his once forgotten roots, his parents never thinking it was important enough to teach him the language. But it seems like this Felix was fluent, making it easy for Yongbok to use the language, the sentences forming automatically. </p><p> </p><p>After a few seconds of staring at the alarm clock, the boy shifted his eyes to the doors of the room, a blueish light seeping in through the crack at the bottom of them. Chan must have fallen asleep with the TV on. </p><p> </p><p>A shiver went down Yongbok’s spine, feeling as if someone was ghosting their icy fingers over his heated skin, making him flinch and jump out of the bed. Bare feet made contact with the cold floor, making him let out a surprised yelp before he glanced back at the bed, shaking his head. Anxiety ran through his blood as the numbers changed to 4:40, shoulders tensing up as he turned back to the doors, taking a step closer to them before he cracked them open, stepping out of the room. </p><p> </p><p>His body automatically relaxed as he stepped out into the hallway, closing the doors after himself. Chan had in fact fallen asleep with the TV on. A movie he had never seen before was playing, the other cuddled into a thick blanket and laying down on the couch, arm falling off of it, almost touching the ground. The boy felt safer as he crept closer, shoulders falling as he sat down on the carpet, facing the TV, eyes half lidded as he tried to focus on the movie playing. Maybe he could try to wait it out until Chan will wake up. </p><p> </p><p>The screen flashed a bright red, Yongbok flinching and falling backwards, elbowing Chan’s knee as he tried to catch himself. The male woke up with a startle, eyes snapping open and heart beating like crazy. He was met with the scared gaze of the younger boy, automatically relaxing and giving him a tired smile, even if his heart was pounding painfully against his ribcage. </p><p> </p><p>“You scared me.” Yongbok whispered a soft sorry as he looked back at the ground in guilt, feeling weird as he shifted his arms, the skin feeling too tight, muscles aching from not being used for too long. “Hey. Lix, look at me.” Chan frowned as the other couldn’t even face him, shaking his head and smiling in mischief as he lifted the other’s head by placing two fingers right under his chin and tugging it up. </p><p> </p><p>The light from the TV illuminated the side of Yongbok’s face, Chan’s eyes taking in his features, expression softening completely as he took notice of the glint of fear in the boy’s gaze. “Did you get scared?” </p><p> </p><p>The boy stayed silent at that, frozen in place as his lips parted. His hands were still shaking and stomach twisted almost painfully, a ball rising up his throat. “Did you get a nightmare?” Yongbok nodded his head at that, confused and not sure how to explain to the other that he was afraid of the shadows in his room and that he could feel chills going down his spine when he was alone in it. Chan smiled at that and unwrapped the blanket from around him, stretching his arm to the side and looking at the other expectedly. </p><p> </p><p>“Huh?” Yongbok tilted his head to the side as best as he could as Chan was still holding onto his chin, confused about the other’s movements. “I keep on forgetting that you aren’t Felix.” His shoulders tensed up even more at that, eyes widening and throat running dry. Fear enveloped him fully as he slowly lifted his gaze up to look back at Chan who had an innocent smile painted over his features, that damned dimple showing. </p><p> </p><p>His eyes searched for something, anything to tell him that Chan had figured something out, but he could only see mischief and tenderness. “But it’s okay, you’ll remember everything at some point and you’ll be our Felix again.” Okay. So maybe Yongbok was, in fact, really paranoid. But every single word made him overthink everything and he couldn’t risk anything before he was sure that he was going to be safe. </p><p> </p><p>The outstretched arm was moved around, Chan becoming impatient as he looked at him still sitting on the ground. “My arm’s getting tired please just come here Lix.” </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry?” Chan laughed at that, shaking his arm again and motioning for the other to join him. “Just come here.” Yongbok stood up cautiously, glancing back at the room he came out of before settling down on the couch, back muscles relaxing as the thick blanket was placed over him, warmth washing over his body. </p><p> </p><p>The boy could feel the other’s eyes on him, watching all of his movements as the light of the TV gave the room an eerie feeling. Yongbok could remember being thirteen and scared because he watched a horror movie and for a week he couldn’t watch television when it was dark, thinking that something was going to be lurking behind him. A hand brushed against his shoulder briefly, making him cover into himself, drawing the blankets over his body a little bit closer. </p><p> </p><p>“Lix? What’s wrong?” Chan’s voice was soft, travelling through the room, Yongbok’s fingers curling around the edge of the blanket as he looked at the wall in front of him blankly. “I’m just scared that I won’t remember anything.” He could feel the other starting to move around, mumbling under his breath as he started to search for something in a bag. Yongbok tried to be subtle as he peeked out from under the blanket, brows furrowed and eyes narrowed as he could see him taking a laptop and phone out of the bag. </p><p> </p><p>“Forgot to give you this. Was gonna give it in the morning, but you can have it now.” Chan was standing in front of him in seconds, placing the laptop and phone onto his blanket clad lap, palm staying on his covered thighs for a few seconds, making Yongbok look at him with both of his eyebrows raised in surprise. “Hyung?” </p><p> </p><p>“It’s your phone and laptop, I picked them up when I went to your apartment yesterday to grab some of your things.” Yongbok took the phone into his hand, turning it around, scanning over the surface before he pressed onto the buttons on the side, the lock screen lighting up, asking for verification to be opened. He could still feel Chan’s eyes on him, making him gulp his saliva down loudly. </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok put the phone to the side and looked at the laptop, opening it up with shaky fingers and then pressing onto the power button, watching as the black screen light up, the device trying to turn on. He drummed his fingers over the side of the computer, Chan sitting down next to him, watching the screen together with him. His anxiety built up the longer he had to wait, stomach twisting and a bile rising up his throat. Yongbok could barely hold his shaking in, knee jumping up and down almost unnoticeably. </p><p> </p><p>The two of them stared at the screen for a few seconds after it loaded up, Chan glancing at him from the corner of his eye, Yongbok blankly looking at the request to enter in a password. “Hyung, I don’t know the passcode.” Silence swallowed the two of them up afterwards, both staring at the screen blankly. “Can you think up anything?” Yongbok looked at him with hope filling his eyes up, the other bitting down onto his bottom lip as he turned his brains inside out. </p><p> </p><p>“Try typing in your birthdate?” Yongbok gave him an unimpressed look. “Am I really that stupid? To use my own birthday as a password?” Chan shrugged his shoulders and continued to stare at the screen, brows furrowed and lips pulled into a straight line, eyes hard as he focused. “Couldn’t really hurt to try.” Yongbok grumbled under his breath but gave in, stiff fingers typing in the numbers and pressing enter, only to be brought back to the enter screen again. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, try Minho’s then?” His fingers froze above the keyboard, staring down at it, eyes blank and lips parted open. “Hyung.” Chan started apologising at that point, feeling guilty as he once again had forgotten that the boy couldn’t remember anything except what they had told him. “Type in 1999, 10, 25.” Yongbok nodded his head, focused on the screen as it started loading but then went back to the enter screen again. The boy tried typing in his name, Minho’s name, any of the boy’s names, even their birthdays, but nothing changed. So he turned to look at Chan in frustration. “It’s not working.” </p><p> </p><p>Fingers combed through his hair, making him watch as Chan looked back at his own phone. “I’ll text Hyunjin, he might know better, you two were always the closest.” Yongbok bit down onto his bottom lip but nodded his head in agreement, not knowing what else he could do in that situation. “You can still access you phone? I know Hyunjin let you get used to his in the hospital so you shouldn’t have problems.” </p><p> </p><p>The phone was in his right hand, fingers shaking as he pressed one of the buttons at the side again and the screen lit up, requesting to scan his features. Chan smiled at him in encouragement, watching as Yongbok raised the devise up and made sure to stay still, the screen unlocking in no time, his heart almost falling to his feet. For a second he had thought that somehow the phone won’t recognise Felix. His thoughts were a mess of panic and anxiety, making him second guess everything. </p><p> </p><p>Shaking fingers gripped onto the phone, a photo of Felix and Chan smiling widely stared right back at him as a home screen. The two of them looked so happy. Chan’s arms were wrapped around the boy’s waist and his hair was bleached blond. Yongbok stared at it for a few seconds, turning his head to the side to give the other a questioning look. He had a bad feeling. “Why is the home screen of you and F – me? And not Minho hyung?” Yongbok had to force himself to not say the name out loud, he couldn’t give himself away. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m not sure? It’s your phone, not mine? Maybe you just liked the photo?” Chan’s lips were quivering as he answered, Yongbok watching him carefully, stomach twisting unpleasantly as he once again could sense that something was wrong. His skin was buzzing and his ears ringing, pulse quickening as he noticed how the other had avoided his stare after a few seconds, twisting his hands nervously. </p><p> </p><p>It was clear that Chan was making excuses and Yongbok noted it down, hoping that he was going to find something in the phone. Maybe there was something in the messages he had sent to the others. “I’m gonna go make us some tea, don’t think we’ll be sleeping anymore.” His eyes followed the back of the other’s head as he almost ran to the kitchen, clearly nervous and wanting to escape. Or maybe he just wanted to give him some space to figure out what to check first. </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok stared down at the home screen for a few more seconds, almost smiling too at the happy expressions they were sporting. Then his fingers hesitated before pressing onto the messaging app, holding his breath as it opened up. And then his heart fell to the ground, shattering into tiny pieces as hope started leaving him, lips pulling into a straight line and skin paling. There was nothing. No messages. </p><p> </p><p>He tried to exit out of the app and reopen it, knowing that sometimes his own phone in Sydney would have crashes like this, but nothing new happened. The screen was empty, no messages between Felix and Minho, or Hyunjin, or Chan, or anyone at that point. He doubted that there had been no communication between this Felix and the eight boys, suspicion rising up at the back of his head. Someone must have deleted the messages. </p><p> </p><p>And then Yongbok closed his eyes for a few moments, breathing in deeply. Maybe Felix himself had deleted the messages before Hyunjin managed to burst into the bathroom. It could have went like that, but this possibility gave the boy even more questions. He quickly pressed onto the phone app, call logs opening up. The last one was from his mother, a day ago. She must have called worrying about her son while he was in the hospital. </p><p> </p><p>The boy scrolled down until he saw the date of five days ago, a contact name, Jinie, with a yellow heart screaming at him. It must have been Hyunjin, he must have called before freaking out and coming over to check on Felix. Yongbok scrolled down, blinking in confusion as he saw that he had called Chan as many times as he had called Minho, Jeongin coming right after, and only then Hyunjin. There was a number that was not saved in the call log, a call incoming every single day at exactly 2 am dating back to three weeks. And then the number stopped calling five days ago, when Yongbok had died, when Felix had died. Did he even die? Did one of them die? Was Felix in his body then? </p><p> </p><p>His eyes widened at that, this being the first time he had realised that if he was here, Felix must be in Sydney, confused and without his friends and family. Yongbok almost winced in sympathy as he thought about the other being completely alone in a foreign country, in a cold hospital room. He must have freaked out just as much as Yongbok did. He could hear Chan starting to walk back to the living room, raised his head up to look at him. He was holding a cup in each hand, smiling at him, trying to hide his nervousness behind a shaky grin. </p><p> </p><p>“You loved mint tea, so I made it,” The cups were set down onto the table, Chan settling down on his right. “Did you find anything out?” Yongbok sighed at that, shaking his head. “Nothing at all?” Now even the other looked confused, motioning to his phone again. “Yeah, the messages are deleted.” This surprised him, making Chan let out a questioning sound as he leaned a little bit closer, eyes curious and questioning, head tilted to the side. “That’s a bit weird?” </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok glanced at the other’s phone on the coffee table, bitting down onto his bottom lip. “Could I check through the messages between us in your phone?” He was met with a soft chuckle and a nod of Chan’s head, eyes still confused but soft now, wanting to help him out at least a little bit. “Of course, drink the tea and then I’ll give it to you.” </p><p> </p><p>The sweet taste of mint entered his mouth, hissing a bit as the water was hot, burning his tongue. Chan was looking at him again, watching as he gulped the liquid down slowly while nervously tapping onto the screen of his phone with his nails. The clicking sound made him shake his head. “Did you check through the pictures? Maybe it will make you remember something?” </p><p> </p><p>The tapping on the screen stopped, the boy staring down at the device before he unlocked it again, a bile rising up his throat from the nerves as he pressed on the photo app, the gallery opening up, everything being organised into albums. He scrolled to the side, the albums changing. One for Minho, one for all the boys, one for family, even one for selfies and another for scenery and photos of dogs. Felix seemed to like to take a lot of pictures, so Yongbok hoped that he was going to be able to get something out of this all. </p><p> </p><p>He opened up the photo album named ‘Minho’, scrolling a it through the pictures. There was nothing weird, just a lot of photos of Minho, and then Felix and Minho together, they looked happy in most of them. He backed out and scrolled a bit through the album of all the boys, nothing weird popping up too. </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok clicked his tongue as he could feel Chan sitting by his side, trying to give him privacy but still looking at him not so subtly, analysing his emotions and face. </p><p> </p><p>He swiped to the right on the albums again, furrowing his brows as he stopped on one named 0501. It was a bit of a weird name, so Yongbok clicked on it, not photos, but videos showing up, the preview screens black, not giving him any idea. Something at the back of his brains was screaming at him to forget about it, to just lock the phone up and leave it alone. He swore he could feel a chill going down his spine again, the temperature in the room dropping by a few degrees. </p><p> </p><p>But he decided to ignore his flight instincts, thumb pressing onto the first video, making it open up, only black could be seen at first. Yongbok breathed out a sigh of relief as the black screen continued on for a few seconds, it was probably taken by accident. But his skin tingled as he continued to stare at the screen longer. </p><p> </p><p>A yelp left the boy’s lips, eyes widening in surprise and confusion as he stopped the video, heart slamming against his chest painfully, Chan’s worried voice not being registered as Yongbok clutched the phone in his hand tightly. </p><p> </p><p>His stomach twisted and a bile rose up his throat, his other hand clamping over his lips, gagging in disgust. </p><p> </p><p>“Felix!” Chan could only watch in surprise as Yongbok shot up onto his feet, hurrying to the bathroom with the phone still in his hand. He could hear he other slamming the doors open, his tongue heavy in his mouth, too dry to speak as he felt useless when the other suffered. </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok fell onto his knees in front of the toilet, throwing the lid open, his vomit almost missing the bowl as he gagged loudly, eyes watery and stomach turning. Stomach acid ended up in the toilet bowl, mixed up with the rotisserie chicken he had eaten for dinner, skin burning, fingers clenching onto the phone tightly, the first image he saw in the video after the blackness burned into his memory already. </p><p> </p><p>Out of everything he could have seen, the last thing he expected was to see Felix’s terrified eyes with a hand pressed to his mouth to keep him shut, neck black and blue, shoulders naked. Yongbok was shaking as he emptied everything he still had in his stomach, knees digging painfully into the tiles underneath him. </p><p> </p><p>His vision swam momentarily, not seeing the image of a terrified Felix, but a memory of himself, lonely and scared, shoulders shaking as he, then fourteen and still naive, hoped that someone was going to help him. </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok wiped at his mouth as he couldn’t puke anymore, blindly searching for the button to flush the water down, letting out a groan as he pressed his forehead into his palm. “Lix? Are you okay?” He wanted to snap at the other that no, he was definitely not okay. He just saw something he wasn’t supposed to. But he could only flinch as he felt Chan rubbing his palm against his shoulder, letting out a defeated grumble. “Come on, let’s brush your teeth and you should lay down again.”</p><p> </p><p>He wanted to fight against the other, afraid of staying in Chan’s room alone, but he had almost no energy left in his body. So he let the other tug him up and to the sink, parting his lips the smallest bit for the toothbrush to be able to brush against his teeth. Yongbok watched his reflection in the mirror, his eyes blank, dead to the world, skin pale and shoulders trembling from the shock and surprise. Chan was looking at the back of his head, focusing on there, as if he was too afraid to face him as he helped him brush his teeth, gently coaxing him to lean forwards to spit the paste out. </p><p> </p><p>His pulse quickened as he was pulled out of the bathroom, being lead to the dreaded room he had slept in, eyes glazed over, fingers clutching tightly onto Chan’s wrist, nails digging into the flesh painfully. “Lix? Talk to me, please.” </p><p> </p><p>“Living r – room.” Chan stopped in the middle of the hallway, turning to look back at him. He let out a confused hum and Yongbok shivered as a chill went down his spine. “Ca – can I sleep in the li – living room?” He was confused, brows furrowed and lips twisted into a frown, but he nodded his head, helping the other into the mentioned room and then laying him down onto the couch carefully, fingers carding through the boy’s hair. </p><p> </p><p>“Lix? What happened.” Chan watched him as Yongbok’s eyes slowly cracked open, meeting his worried gaze. “I don’t know, fe – felt sick.” The boy covered into himself, pulling his knees close to his chest as the thick blanket was placed over him to keep him warm, a hand rubbing against the side of his face gently. </p><p> </p><p>Had Chan seen what was in the video? Had Minho seen it? Has anyone seen it except him and Felix? </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok clenched his eyes shut, bottom lip quivering and nose scrunching up. He could only see Felix and his terrified expression. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We will be moving into detective Felix category next and the plot will thicken!!</p><p>Come cry over stray kids on twitter with me because my irls could never stan kpop groups <a href="https://Twitter.com/glitterbokkie">glitterbokkie</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Please answer me.” Yongbok held his breath in as Chan looked down at the ground, fingers now gripping onto his hand gently. “I, not really –“ “What do you mean not really? It’s a simple yes or no.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know the story line is very messy but I swear it will also make sense later on.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yongbok could only stare in front of himself as he laid on the couch, phone clutched in one hand tightly while the other was gripping onto the blanket. Chan was worried, standing by the coffee table, lips bitten raw and hair messy from being ruffled in frustration. “Lix?” But his calling seemed to fall on deaf ears, the boy not moving from his laying position. </p><p> </p><p>“Lix? Can you hear me?” He grew quiet after that too, just watching as the boy stayed silent, eyes dazed and unseeing, not focused on anything. Chan cursed loudly, even that not drawing Yongbok’s attention to him, searching for his own phone as he tried to figure out what he should do. He couldn’t just leave this situation like this, the other was in a comatose like state and it was freaking him out. </p><p> </p><p>Chan grabbed his phone from the coffee table, quickly unlocking it and with trembling fingers searching through his contacts, holding his breath in as he pressed onto the name that he knew could help him out the best. The phone rang for a few moments, he almost believed that with his luck, he was going to have to figure out another plan, but at the last second, just as his thumb hovered over the hang up button, the call was connected, a voice laced with sleep answering. </p><p> </p><p>Chan? “Oh thank God! You answered.” Chan? It’s seven in the morning and it’s Saturday, please tell me it’s important. “It’s Felix.” What? “Minho, it’s Felix, you have to come over.” What happened to Felix? Did you do something? </p><p> </p><p>Chan almost hissed at that, glancing once more at the boy on the couch before he turned around, glaring at the wall. Minho had no reason to blame him for anything, just because he was stressed and frustrated it didn’t mean that he could let everything out on him. He tried to even out his breathing as he could hear his name being called from the other side of the call. </p><p> </p><p>“No Minho, why the fuck would I do anything to Felix? He’s one of my best friends.” That shut the other up fast, Minho staying silent for a few seconds, his voice coming out softer, almost as if he felt guilty. Okay, sorry. I’m just stressed and you know I’d prefer to take care of Felix myself. Chan almost laughed at that, they had already talked about this enough times for him to start finding it funny. “I know. But you’re too busy and I finished my internship and have enough time to look after Lix, so suck it up because I’m doing this for him.” </p><p> </p><p>What’s wrong with Lixie? Chan almost laughed at that. Minho had always been quick to get worried when it came to the other, almost wanting to tease him, but one glance at Felix made him loose the want to joke around. “He’s not reacting to anything.” What do you mean? Did you try talking to him? “No Minho, I didn’t. Of course I did, but he’s not responding. He threw up an hour ago and now he’s just laying on the couch, not moving.”</p><p> </p><p>He could hear Minho letting out a few curse words before he whispered that he’ll be over in less than an hour. Chan grumbled a quick good bye before he hung the call up, sitting down on the couch that Yongbok laid on, watching him with worried eyes, left arm outstretched so that his fingers could brush against the boy’s cheek, making him react for the first time and flinch away. </p><p> </p><p>Chan’s lips were pulled into a straight line, shoulders tensed up as he could only watch the other as he sat by his side. It looked like Felix was deep in his thoughts, and he could only guess that it was about his memories, that he was trying to remember them.  </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok clenched his eyes shut, pressing himself closer to the couch, breathing out a shaky exhale. He couldn’t get the video out of his head, well, the first second he saw. The raw fear in the other’s eyes made him freeze over. It was like he was watching himself all over again. Anger filled his insides up. He was not going to go back to his fourteen year old self, not even in Felix’s body. But the fear was still there, it blinded him and made him flinch away whenever Chan moved the slightest bit. </p><p> </p><p>He had heard him talking to Minho, managed to focus enough to hear half of the conversation, brains fuzzy yet he could still understand the tension between them. They were fighting with each other for something and Yongbok was almost one hundred percent sure that it was connected to Felix and what had happened. The guilty looks and nervousness gave both of them away. And while he couldn’t be sure that this was the case, they felt either guilty or responsible for something, and Yongbok was weary. </p><p> </p><p>He could hear that Chan was trying to talk to him again, but he couldn’t focus enough to hear what he was saying exactly. The feel of fingers ghosting over his thigh, trying to get his attention made him jerk his leg up to avoid the touch. Chan let out a loud yelp at that and almost fell off of the couch, barely catching himself. “Lix?” </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t touch me.” Something in his voice and tone made Chan stare at him a little bit closer. Something was off. He sounded strong, sounded determined and angry, and so not like Felix. But he shook his head harshly. He was just being silly. The boy had lost his memory, of course he was going to be acting different, he didn’t actually know himself anymore. </p><p> </p><p>Wild eyes snapped open to look at the hallway as the doorbell rang, Chan jumping to his feet, leaving Yongbok alone in the living room for a few minutes. He could feel a chill going down his spine again, a flash of light to his right, making him snap his head in the direction, confusion and fear filling him up again. He was too afraid to look around the room, too afraid that there will be shadows even when sunlight had entered the apartment and lightened it up. The walls didn’t seem as cold anymore and the couch underneath him seemed to have more of a green tone than the blue one he first saw. </p><p> </p><p>Hushed voices could be heard from the hallway, Yongbok now laying on his back, ignoring the nagging voice at the back of his brains. Something was telling for him to run, but he didn’t have any other place to go to. He was surrounded by people he didn’t know, in a country he had never been to before and no way to get out without sounding mental. And even if Yongbok was ready to take risks, he was not willing to go to a mental asylum if someone found out what actually happened. </p><p> </p><p>He could feel the couch dipping under someone’s weight, fingers combing through his messy hair, making him flinch away and press himself back into the couch. His heartbeat picked up as he turned his head, burying it into the blanket, hiding away as his skin buzzed. Yongbok could only see the images of the video behind his closed eyes again. </p><p> </p><p>“Lixie?” The boy flinched, Minho’s voice sounding soft and warm, sorrow filling it up. Yongbok shuddered as he tried to control his disgust, not trusting most people around him, his only thought being that anyone could have hurt Felix, so they could easily hurt him too. “What’s wrong, baby?” </p><p> </p><p>He could feel fingers pressing against his back, rubbing soothing circles, another hand forcing his head gently to the side to face the person. Chan and Minho were both kneeling by the couch, looking at him with worry and fear written all over their faces. His own thoughts were a mess, confusion at the back of his head and fingers clutching onto the blanket tightly, lips pulled into a tight line as his eyes darted to the side, glancing at the doors of Chan’s room again. </p><p> </p><p>The sudden glance made Chan tilt his head to the side, following the line of his stare only to part his lips in confusion. Why was Felix staring at the doors? And with clear fear and anxiety written all over his eyes? He made sure to ask the other more about it when Minho will not be around, shaking his head and turning back to look at him. </p><p> </p><p>“Lix? Can you sit up?” The boy stared at Chan blankly, Minho bitting his nails as he tried to figure out what he was supposed to do. Felix has never acted like this around him before, so he was lost and depended on the other figuring out how to help. “You should try to drink some water.” Chan leaned in a little bit closer, slowly, just so he wouldn’t scare the boy, holding his hands up to show him that he wasn’t going to hurt him. </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll help you up, okay?” Yongbok was careful, watching as Chan gripped onto his elbow gently, helping him sit up, still wrapped up in the blanket tightly, Minho kneeling on the ground, not moving from his place. “I made you some chamomile tea, to help you calm down hopefully.” A cup was placed into his shaking hand, Minho helping him by wrapping his own hand around his, to keep it from shaking too much. </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok slowly lifted his gaze up, guarded eyes meeting the one’s of Minho. The two of them stared at each other, Chan having to bite down onto his bottom lip to stay silent. He couldn’t help and feel bitter as he watched the two of them, after a few seconds averting his gaze to the side, finding interest in the carpet. </p><p> </p><p>“I missed you, baby.” Yongbok shuddered at that, skin feeling like something was crawling all over it, the pet name not sitting well in his stomach. He could feel those fingers drawing circles over his covered thigh, wanting to scream at the other to move away from him. Chan coughed into his arm, drawing their attention to him. “I’m gonna go to my room, I need to finish something, so if you’ll need anything, just call for me.” </p><p> </p><p>“Chan –“ But Yongbok just let out a sigh after that, shoulders falling as Chan disappeared into his own room, closing the doors behind him. Minho looked at him with one of his eyebrows raised up before he shrugged his shoulders and squeezed the boy’s thigh a little bit tighter to get his attention back on him. </p><p> </p><p>“Baby, you should drink the tea before it gets cold.” Yongbok glanced back at the cup in his hands, sighing and taking a small sip, the tea sweet on his tongue, Chan probably knew how sweet Felix liked to drink his tea. “Hyung?” Minho hummed at the other, still watching him with a fond smile painted over his features. </p><p> </p><p>“Can I ask you something?” He could see that the other tensed up a bit before relaxing, moving to sit on the couch as Yongbok moved his legs a little bit to give him space. “Of course baby, you can ask me anything.” </p><p> </p><p>“Great. Why am I staying over at Chan hyung’s and not yours?” He almost chuckled as he saw how Minho tensed up at the question, brows furrowing and eyes narrowing in suspicion. “Hmm? Chan’s apartment is bigger than mine’s. I live in an actual shoe box.” Yongbok tilted his head to the side as he tried to keep his face expressionless. The other had told him before that this was because Minho had been very stressed and busy, not because his apartment was small. One of them was lying and Yongbok didn’t know which one to trust. </p><p> </p><p>“Did you remember anything?” Yongbok shook his head at that, watching as Minho’s face fell, disappointment prominent together with hope. “There’s always hope that you’ll remember something if we’ll spend more time together?” The boy gulped at that but still nodded his head in agreement. </p><p> </p><p>“Can I ask you more questions?” Minho gave his thigh another squeeze, Yongbok almost getting used to the touches at that point. “You can ask me anything –“ The boy tried to smile at that, sitting a little bit straighter and taking another sip of the tea before speaking again, interrupting Minho before he called him baby again. “What was I studying? Chan said I was attending university?” </p><p> </p><p>“English literature and education, you want to be an English teacher.” Yongbok was genuinely surprised by that. His tongue was heavy in his mouth and fingers drummed over the surface of the couch. He had sworn to never enter another high school again, and here he was, forced to be this Felix boy, who wanted to be exactly who he had hated the most. “So I like English literature?” </p><p> </p><p>Minho smiled at that gently, nodding his head and leaning back to rest against the couch more comfortably. “I’d say you were even obsessed with it? Seungmin would usually humour you and go to all these fancy stores to search for books with you.” Yongbok noted the fact, making sure to try and ask Seungmin about that when he’ll get the chance. The more he knew about Felix the more chances he had to figure everything out. </p><p> </p><p>“What are you studying?” Silence fallowed after that, Minho staring at the ground for a few seconds before he looked up at him again, smiling gently. “Performing arts.” Yongbok mouthed the other’s name silently in amazement, remembering how he was twelve and wanted to be a dancer, wanted to attend classes, but his mother always told him that dance was for girls, and he was not a girl. </p><p> </p><p>“I dance.” Now Yongbok’s eyes widened, lips parting in surprise as he watched Minho, who was watching him too. “Would it be okay if I watched you dance?” This made a ghost of surprise run across the older boy’s face, eyes sparkling with genuine shock and tongue peeking out to lick at his bottom lip because of nerves. “Would you really want to?” Minho’s voice trembled at the end, making him come off vulnerable. </p><p> </p><p>“Of course? Should I not want to?” Yongbok was genuinely confused as he watched how Minho shook his head to clear his thoughts, eyes sparkling with unshed tears and fingers coming up to cup at the boy’s cheeks. “It’s just that, you’ve never actually been interested in dance, never asked to watch any of my performances.” The corners of the boy’s lips pulled downwards, Minho rubbing at his cheeks with his thumbs, gently stroking his skin, making Yongbok grip onto the blanket a little bit tighter. </p><p> </p><p>“I missed you so much, baby.” Yongbok’s eyes widened a little bit in surprise as Minho leaning in a little bit, hand sliding up his thigh to ghost over his hip and then settle on his waist, the other hand coming up to fully wrap around him too, bringing him closer. He could feel the other’s heart beating against his chest, surprised at the rapid speed. Was Minho nervous? Why would he be nervous if Felix was his boyfriend? </p><p> </p><p>“I missed your smell and your voice so much.” Minho burrowed his nose into Yongbok’s neck, breathing in his scent, lips ghosting over his exposed skin, making the boy tense up, insides twisting and stomach turning painfully. His whole body froze up, skin clammy and lips parting open in shock. The arms squeezed him a little bit tighter, pulling him to be fully sitting on Minho’s lap, leaving his skin burning. “I missed how pretty you are when you just wake up.” </p><p> </p><p>There was something familiar in Minho’s voice, nostalgia and bitterness, almost like he hadn’t experienced all of this in months, not just a few days. Yongbok was still tensed, feeling those lips pressing up against his skin again, gently brushing up and down, making goosebumps appear everywhere. “Minho hyung.” Those lips traveled to his ear, breath ghosting over it, making the boy shudder. </p><p> </p><p>“Lixie, baby. I missed you so much.” Yongbok let out a loud yelp as hands were placed under the t shirt he was wearing, pressing up against his skin, making him feel uncomfortable at the unfamiliar touch. His hands automatically shoved at Minho’s chest, the other getting surprised, letting him go and letting him fall off of the couch and to the ground with a loud thud. He was shocked, wide eyes looking back at Minho, who was looking down at him with guilt building up in his chest. </p><p> </p><p>“Is everything okay? What was that sound?” Chan peeked his head out as he opened the doors, looking in their direction, brows furrowing as he saw the boy sitting on the ground, shocked, and Minho on the couch, guilty and scared. “What’s happening?” </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok looked at Chan with a dazed expression, lips parted and helpless, Minho shaking his head before he stood up from the couch, rushing to the doors. “Lix, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” Chan followed after Minho, stopping him before he left the apartment. “What happened?” He was met with a shake of a head and a few mumbles. “I shouldn’t have been so close to Lix, he doesn’t remember.” </p><p> </p><p>The doors were slammed in his face as Minho ran out of the apartment, leaving him confused, staring at the wall for a few seconds before he locked the doors up and turned around to face the boy still on the ground. “What happened?” Yongbok was looking at him already, nose scrunched up in thought. “I’m not sure? I got surprised that Minho hyung was touchy and pushed him away.” Chan nodded his head at that, moving over to sit by the boy cautiously. </p><p> </p><p>“Hyung? Why did Minho hyung act like I hadn’t been close to him for long? Aren’t we supposed to be together?” Chan looked down at the ground for a few moments, Yongbok drumming his fingers over the carpet, waiting for the other to respond with anything. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think it’s my place to tell you Lix.” Yongbok almost growled at that in anger. No one wanted to give him any answers and he was getting frustrated. “Everyone keeps on saying that and I’m so confused. I’m scared because I can’t remember anything and I feel like I’m in a stranger’s body!” He was almost yelling at that point, Chan getting scared, trying to calm him down by rubbing his thumbs over the boy’s cheeks, making Yongbok just get even more frustrated. “Can someone please tell me at least something.” </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay. Clam down Lix, I’ll tell you, just please don’t freak out anymore.” Yongbok felt almost guilty for manipulating the other into sharing Minho’s secrets with him, but this was not his life too. Chan made the two of them sit on the couch, looking at his fingers before turning to face the other, giving him a weak smile. “Minho’s gonna kill me.” Yongbok almost rolled his eyes at that, feeling frustrated. “Just tell me already!” </p><p> </p><p>“Fine,” Chan breathes out a sigh before he nodded his head to encourage himself. “You know how everyone keeps on telling you that you and Minho are together?” Yongbok nodded his head at that, before his eyes narrowed, stomach turning. “Wait, are you telling me that we are not boyfriends?” Chan’s eyes widened at that, shaking his head rapidly, almost making Yongbok laugh. </p><p> </p><p>“No! That’s not what I meant! It’s just that, during the last month you and Minho haven’t been the closest.” Yongbok leaned in a little bit closer in interest, hand under his chin, holding his head up as he watched the other. “Before you ask, no, you two didn’t break up, but you’ve been avoiding Minho at all costs.” Chan was looking back at him, eyes gentle and honest, no emotions hidden. “Hyung, do you know why?” </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok  leaned in a little bit closer, whispering as Chan watched him, watched the way his lips moved before shaking his head to get rid of the thoughts. “No, whenever I asked you if something happened you’d just say no and then avoid the topic. Even Hyunjin couldn’t get anything out of you too.” </p><p> </p><p>Their noses were almost touching as the two of them whispered, almost as if they were too afraid that someone was going to overhear them. “So no one knows why I’ve been avoiding Minho hyung?” Chan shook his head at that, eyes focused on the other’s lips again, brows furrowed in concentration, fingers inching over until they were touching Yongbok’s hand, ghosting over the sensitive skin. </p><p> </p><p>“Hyung?” Chan hummed as his eyes were still focused on his lips, his lashes long and curled. “Was there anything between the two of us? Anything at all?” That made him look up, stare back into Yongbok’s eyes for a few second, frozen in place. “Lixie?” </p><p> </p><p>“Please answer me.” Yongbok held his breath in as Chan looked down at the ground, fingers now gripping onto his hand gently. “I, not really –“ “What do you mean not really? It’s a simple yes or no.” </p><p> </p><p>He could feel shame rolling off of Chan, tilting his head to the side in confusion and interest. He lifted the other’s chin up with his fingers, making him face him again. “You didn’t. Lix, no matter what happened, you were always loyal to Minho.” </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok’s lips twitched as he could recognise embarrassment and longing. “What about you, hyung?” Chan gave him a gentle smile, fingers coming up to comb through his hair. “It doesn’t matter. We have to focus on getting your memories back.” Yongbok got surprised as Chan gave his hair a soft tug before he stood up from the couch, wiping at his cheek before he gave him another sweet dimpled smile. </p><p> </p><p>“Hyunjin said he’ll text you the possible passwords for your laptop.” </p><p> </p><p>Yongbok watched closely as Chan walked back to the kitchen, telling him that he was going to make them a light breakfast. He couldn’t help the bad feeling at the back of his head. Chan was still hiding something.  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I’m trying not to give away too much in the story yet, but again, I’m dumb so I might give away any plot I come up with, enjoy reading!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hopefully I'll update 2 times in a week, but I'll be pushing for at least 1. English is not my first language, so hopefully I did not screw up too badly! And hopefully I didn't make this too messy too.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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